


Beyond the hothouse

by halfeatenmoon



Category: Shoujo Kakumei Utena | Revolutionary Girl Utena
Genre: F/F, Post-Canon, Tea dates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-10
Updated: 2018-10-10
Packaged: 2019-07-28 22:52:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,333
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16251422
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/halfeatenmoon/pseuds/halfeatenmoon
Summary: It was nice that Wakaba said hello when she came into Anthy's flower shop. Anthy didn't expect her to come back.





	Beyond the hothouse

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Latia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Latia/gifts).



Working at the flower shop, Anthy could almost pretend that her life at Ohtori had never happened, until Wakaba walked in.. At first she thought she was an ordinary customer; plenty of women came through the flower shop every day, young and old. It wasn’t unusual to see people of a school age in there. But she’d never seen a student from Ohtori before.

When she first left, Anthy had thought of running far away, so she could be truly sure she was beyond her brother’s reach. It was enough of a challenge to find a place to sleep and a way to feed herself and Chuchu, though, without traveling too. And she had no way of knowing whether travel would just take her further and further away from Utena.

(If she was at all close to Utena now. She didn't know. She couldn't know.)

So she stayed one town over from the school, working in a flower shop and living in an apartment with the money she brought in and the wealth she’d taken from Akio, and never saw anyone she knew. Why would she? Ohtori was a hothouse, a bigger version of the one she used to use to grow the roses. It was sealed, even if the students didn’t realise it. They never had a reason to leave. And she’d seen how quickly they forgot anyone who left its gilded cage.

Which is why she was so surprised when Wakaba blinked at her and said, “Himemiya?”

“Yes. Hello, Shinohara. Welcome to our store.” She let the surprise show on her face, and when she bowed, it was the slight incline one made to a customer, not the total subservience of her past. She’d been practicing.

“It’s so nice to see you!” Wakaba beamed. “I wondered what had happened, when you left in the middle of term like that. Are you well?”

“Yes, things are good. I’m very happy,” Anthy said, automatically.

“I’m glad. This must be a nice place to work. You always did like flowers, didn’t you?”

She said it hesitantly, like she couldn’t quite remember. Anthy and Wakaba had seen each other almost ever day, eaten lunch together, studied together in their rooms. And yet Utena had always been the only thing that brought them together. Without her, they might as well be strangers.

Still. She remembered something.

“I did always like flowers.” Anthy nodded. “It’s a good job.”

“That’s great! I’m finally graduating soon, and I’m supposed to go to university. I mean, I will. But I’d like to get a job like this, too. It’s so cool that you’re an independent woman!”

Anthy’s smile was fixed on her face, like it used to be. She tried not to do that any more, put on the fake smile she wore in her Rose Bride days, but when she didn’t know what to say it happened almost automatically.

“Is there something in particular you were looking for? Maybe I can help you.”

“Oh! Yes. Well, no, not really, I just felt like a visit, and like my dorm room could use some brightening up… the school gardens just aren’t the same as they used to be… oh, but this would be lovely! I’ll have one of these, please.”

Another person might have struggled to keep their pleasant customer service facade when Wakaba picked up a single pink rose. Anthy knew a lot about keeping up appearances, though.

“It was nice seeing you. We should get coffee some time, and catch up,” Wakaba said, as she left.

“Yes, of course,” Anthy replied. She knew it was one of the niceties that she herself used to utter all the time. Wakaba wouldn’t be back for coffee. She would forget. Anthy didn’t blame her.

 

“Hello!” Wakaba said, sunnily, as she came through the door. “Thank you for that rose you sold me yesterday, Himemiya. It kept beautifully.”

“Oh!” Anthy felt her eyebrows creeping up towards her hairline. “That’s good. Can I help you with any more flowers today, Shinohara?”

“Oh, please, you can call me Wakaba. And no, I just came to see you.”

“To see me?”

“Yes! Remember, I said I wanted to catch up for coffee. Do you have time to go today?”

“Oh! Oh dear. I don’t think so, I have so much work left to do, and my break isn’t for hours…”

“Is this your friend?”

They both turned to see Anthy’s co-worker, Naoko, sticking her head out from behind a display of lilies.

“Wakaba is from my old high school,” Anthy said.

“Well, I can cover for you if you want to catch up! It’s nice of you to come and visit. Himemiya never mentions any friends.”

Anthy ignored the curious look that Wakaba gave her. “Thank you, Naoko. We can have tea in the back room, so we won’t be too far away.”

“Okey doke! Go have fun.”

Naoko waved Anthy away from the counter and took her place. She was still beaming after them when Anthy led Wakaba back to their small staff room.

Making tea was a reassuring ritual, one of the few things that was continuous between Anthy’s old life and her new one. Boil the water, measure the leaves, fill the pot and wait just the right amount of time for it to steep. It was pleasing to make tea for two people; she’d gotten so used to only brewing for herself.

The trouble was what to talk about. They only had two things in common, but she couldn’t talk about Utena, and she didn’t really want to know how things were going at Ohtori, either. It was best not to know what her brother was up to, whether he was carrying on without her or not.

“What’s been bringing you into town, Wakaba-san?” she asked, as she poured the tea.

“Ooh, I’m glad you asked,” Wakaba grinned.

Anthy put a finger to her mouth, thoughtfully. “A boyfriend?”

“No!” Wakaba waved a hand. “What makes you say that?”

“You just seem very happy! And you always did like boys.”

“Well. Not just boys.” Wakaba said, and then shook her head slightly. “No, but I was going to tell you why I’m in town! A few reasons, actually. I’ve been looking at places where I could do some extra tutoring. Like I said yesterday, I’ve been looking at getting into a good university, and some extra tuition could help.”

“That’s true,” Anthy agreed, although she really had no idea. She hadn’t paid attention to her education in decades. “They don’t have tutors at Ohtori, though?”

“Oh of course they do. Didn’t you have one? I’m sure I remember seeing you at tutoring after school.”

Anthy’s breath caught. “No. I… remember seeing you at study sessions, but I didn’t have a tutor.”

“Huh. Anyway, the tutors at Ohtori are probably okay, but they’re all Ohtori, you know? I want to learn from someone with a different point of view, too. I think that’ll help.”

“That’s a good idea.”

“And the other reason,” Wakaba said, more warmly, “Is for sport! I’ve taken up ice skating, and it’s marvelous!”

“That does sound wonderful!” Anthy meant it, too. She almost asked whether Wakaba could take her skating some time. “They have a rink nearby?”

“Yes! I’m learning so much. I’m too old to really be a competition skater, starting now, but it’s the best fun. And it’s so good to practice something and be able to feel like you’re getting better every week.”

Anthy was content to sip her tea and listen to Wakaba talk about her skating adventures for a while, asking the occasional question. Just watching her face light up when she talked about the techniques she’d mastered and the things she still had to learn was enough to make it worth stopping for tea. Anthy was so absorbed in thinking about Wakaba’s excitement that she almost missed it when she stopped talking.

“So…” Wakaba paused and gulped down the last of her tea. “Your coworker said you never mention having any friends. Are you… I’m sorry, I know we weren’t that close at school and maybe this is out of line, but have things been okay since you left school?”

“I…” Anthy drained her cup, too, and put it down carefully on its saucer. “I made the right choice.”

Wakaba frowned, wrinkling her nose. Cute. “I’m glad you did, but it doesn’t sound like things are great.”

“I like my life. Things are good.”

“But you’re not lonely? Leaving school like that? Weren’t your family at Ohtori, too?”

“My brother, yes. He’s still there, I think.” Anthy took a deep breath. There seemed to be no way out of this. “He… was not kind to me. Ohtori wasn’t kind to me. I left.”

“All on your own?” Wakaba looked worried, now, and Anthy hated it.

“I have Chuchu.” She held up a hand before Wakaba could reply. “It was hard, at first, but I’m okay. It’s better now.”

“Well, I’m glad about that. It stinks not having a lot of friends, though. I mean, I didn’t even know where you were.” She brightened. “I’ll come back and see you when I’m in town, though! I can be your friend.”

Had Wakaba forgotten how much time they’d spent together? Or was she just refusing to pretend that what they had before had been friendship? Whichever it was, it didn’t matter. Wakaba meant it sincerely, and Anthy found she wanted to say yes.

“Thank you. I would be… honoured to be your friend.”

"Me too," Wakaba grinned, an they lapsed into a moment of silence that, for once, was comfortable.

“I like the way you wear your hair out now,” Wakaba said, after a moment. “I mean, it always looked nice when you pinned it up, too. It’s just such a beautiful colour, and it’s so long, it’s really beautiful. It’s nice to see you wear it out. Show it off.”

Anthy had heard many times that she was beautiful over the hundreds of years of her life. It was nothing new. She could see no reason that this time, of all times, it made her face warm and her chest tingle. There was only one other person whose attention had made her feel like that, and it was the girl who used to be their only reason to talk to one another.

“Thank you.” Anthy cast her eyes down and started packing up the teacups. An annoying reversion to her old, submissive habits, but it was hard to know what else to do when she didn’t know how she would react if she looked Wakaba in the eye. “Excuse me, this has been lovely, but I need to get back to work. Naoko-san can’t cover the front desk for me forever.”

“Of course! I don’t want to keep you.”

Wakaba stood up suddenly, and then hovered as Anthy kept packing up their things, as if she wasn’t sure whether to help or not. When Anthy stole a look at Wakaba, she noticed the other girl seemed flustered, her newfound confidence faltering for the first time. It took a moment to realise that what she felt in response was fondness, and sympathy - and what was more, she could do something about it. It had been so long since she’d been able to help anyone just because she wanted to. Hundreds of years, and a million swords.

Once the teacups were all stored away, Anthy touched her arm, lightly. “Thank you for coming today.”

Wakaba startled out of her thoughts, and after a moment she took Anthy’s hand and squeezed it. “I’m glad I came. It was good to see you. Let me walk you back out through the shop?”

They walked out of the staff room side by side, and through the aisles of fragrant flowers. Wakaba told her about her plans for the rest of the day as she went. Naoko waved cheerily at them from the counter, but had to dash away as soon as Anthy returned to her spot.

"Thank you for the tea, Himemiya," Wakaba said, with a small bow, and Anthy suddenly realised what she'd forgotten.

"Wakaba!" she called, as the other girl turned to walk away. "You can call me Anthy!"

"Thank you," Wakaba said, with a grin. "Until next time, Anthy!"

 

The first time Anthy invited Wakaba to come to her apartment for tea after her shift, instead of meeting in the back of the shop, she already regretted it a little. Not because she didn’t like Wakaba, but because she liked her too much. Living on her own had been so freeing, so wonderful, but it had been lonely, too. Wakaba was the first taste of real, human company she’d had, the first reminder that her old life really happened and wasn’t just a bad dream.

She regretted it because freedom was still so new to her that she didn’t trust herself to wield it responsibly. It was inevitable that one afternoon, when Wakaba told her those shortbread biscuits were delicious and paused to lick the crumbs off her fingers, Anthy leaned over and kissed her.

It was as sweet as any of the kisses she’d shared with people she really liked; sweeter, in fact, because it was the first kiss she’d had while she was free. It felt like a small betrayal, but it didn’t stop Anthy from shuffling closer on her knees so she could hold Wakaba closer, and it didn’t stop her feeling a hot burst of triumph when Wakaba hesitantly began to kiss her back.

Just for the slightest moment, though, and then she pulled away. “Anthy. Wait.”

“I see. I apologise,” Anthy said, automatically, and tried to stand up. Wakaba’s hand was at the back of her neck immediately, pulling her close again.

“I’m not running away,” Wakaba said, gently. “I just have some questions.”

“If you don’t like it…”

“I like you,” she said, firmly. “I just need to know what’s going on.”

Anthy struggled, but she had no answers. She couldn’t explain the years of years of being treated like a thing, the person who helped her break free, the need to find her again. Not to someone who wouldn’t believe her, even when she’d stood in the arena, because she would no longer remember. She could explain, perhaps, how when she looked at Wakaba now she saw someone who was confident and living the life she wanted to live, and how it reminded her of the person who once set her free. But it came far too close to having to explain how she’d left Ohtori to find her, how she didn’t know where to look or even how to start. How she was starting to give up hope of ever finding her again.

“Can’t I want you just because I want you?” she said, at last.

Wakaba’s fingers threaded through her hair, cupping the base of her head, and Anthy shivered. Like everything Wakaba did, it was a touch she’d felt many times before, but it had never before felt like this.

“Of course you can. I just want to make sure that’s really what this is.”

“What else would it be?”

Wakaba did pull away slightly, then. She sat back on her heels, sliding her hand down Anthy’s arm to hold her hand instead, and looked at her with a small half-smile.

“I came into the shop that first day looking for flowers,” she admitted. “But after seeing you again, I did wonder whether you still talk to Utena.”

Anthy had often been silent in front of people. It was very rarely because she was so surprised. For a full minute she couldn’t think of a thing to say.

“No,” she said, at last. “I don’t get to talk to Utena, right now.”

“Oh.” Wakaba slumped back on her heels, and Anthy had to look away.

“I’m sorry to disappoint you.”

“What? No! I’m sorry that you… that you don’t… I know how close you were, and when your coworker said you didn’t have any friends, I thought it couldn’t be right. You left at the same time. At least, I think you did?”

Anthy caught the confusion on her face, and nodded. “We did.”

“It’s so fuzzy, sometimes. I’d forgotten a lot about both of you until I saw you that day in the shop, and it started coming back to me. But it wasn’t that long ago, was it?”

“No, it wasn’t that long ago.”

Anthy found that her hands were shaking. She pressed a teacup between her palms to try to steady them, feeling the warmth that still lingered there. “I didn’t think you would remember at all. When Utena… left, it seemed like everyone forgot.”

“I did forget, I think.” There were tears in her eyes. Anthy wanted to brush them away and she had no idea whether she should. “I can’t believe I just forgot about her. I _loved_ her.”

“I loved her too.” Anthy whispered. And then, with horror. “ _Love._ I love her.”

“Then where is she? What happened, Anthy?”

“I can’t explain it.”

“Try.”

“I _can’t_.”

“Can you at least tell me if she’s alive or not?”

“She is, I’m sure of it,” Anthy said, but her voice faltered. “I just can’t find her.”

She stared down at her hands, where they clenched around the teacup. There was one thing she wanted to do when she left, and she was failing at it. She had no idea what to do with her newfound freedom if it wasn’t looking for Utena, but she didn’t even have a way to do that.

Anthy didn’t realise she was crying until Wakaba wiped at her face with a handkerchief.

“Thank you,” Anthy said, taking the fabric from her.

“It’s what friends do.”

“So we are friends?”

“Of course we’re friends,” Wakaba said, throwing her hands in the air. “I didn’t come here all these times just to ask you about Utena. I barely remembered her at first. And since we’re friends, I’m here to help.”

“How?”

“To help you find her,” she said, impatiently. “Tell me how to help, and I will, and we’ll do this together.”

“You loved her too,” Anthy repeated, with a small smile.

“I _love_ her, too.” Wakaba corrected. “Don’t worry. When we find her, I’ll get out of the way.”

 _No._ Anthy felt a stab of… regret, resistance, _no_. The kind of feeling she ignored for years, and didn’t have to any more.

“What do you mean?”

Wakaba shrugged, with a wry little smile. “My memories might be fuzzy, but I remember what you two are like. I can’t compete with the love you have, no matter what…”

She made an odd waving gesture, but it was clear what she meant. _No matter what I feel for her. No matter that you kissed me here._

Anthy reached out and took her hand. “I said I wanted you before, didn’t I?”

“Yes, but Anthy…”

“And you love Utena, too.”

“It’s not the same…”

“I know.” She swallowed. “We were not close, before. But I don’t want you to get out of the way.”

In truth, Anthy really wanted to kiss her again. It was nothing like what she felt for Utena, nothing was, but it was something. Maybe it was just loneliness, but maybe it was something new.

It was not the right time to kiss Wakaba again. But maybe. One day.

“Okay,” Wakaba said, at last. “Okay. I won’t get out of the way. I’ll be right up in your business.”

She stood up, decisively, and looked to the door.

“But we have to find Utena first before we figure out who gets to kiss who when. So come on, Anthy, we’ve got work to do.”

“Where are we going?” Anthy asked, as she trailed Wakaba towards the door. But the answer didn’t matter. They were going together, and now, she knew, they were going to find the way.


End file.
